So I've thought a little bit tonight as I walked downtown. I was wondering about my adolescent experience during a summer spent in the inner city with children doing puppet shows, games and Bible lessons. Kids I encountered had names like Squeaky and MJ (short for Michael Jordan) and James (there was a family of at least 4 boys named James). They were different from me in so many ways. They were all black. Few of them had involved fathers. They rarely showered. Each child possessed a key to his or her house because Mom wouldn't come home until after dark. But, they were not all that different. Lanky and pubescent as I was, they would climb all over my body like I was an animated jungle gym. Eye to eye, we would have conversations as they climbed. "My favorite food is..." "I love to run fast..." "On hot days I like to drink..."
I cherish those memories of time spent with innocent children from such a sad space of Cincinnati inner-city. Tonight those memories were so strong as I walked down alley-ways alone. I was thinking about how since those days I have not made contact with those children or children like them. So an episode of nostalgia like none other is hitting me tonight, replete with its feelings of "those grand old days" and "it will never be the same."
And I have this horrible thought. What if I spend my whole life consumed with getting the last little detail of my house fixed. What if when I'm old I will have only a life of academic achievements to reflect on. What if I die without having poor black children feel like my little brothers or sisters. I can so clearly see myself letting my ambitions and my possessions lead me down that path swiftly. Life devoid of many rich charities in the blink of an eye.
Like I said, I have a serious case of nostalgia tonight. Probably it is skewing my thoughts just a little. But I can think of at least one small way that I'd like to choose a different path for myself. I'd like to give more of my time. Ridiculous amounts of time that I devout to my house could be shared on others around me who could benefit from my youth, companionship, skills and resources. God, grant me grace to live well.
